sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.


Oh my

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

Oh my

Raiders Wanted

So I’ll be moving my Druid to on Archimonde. If you’re ilvl is AT LEAST 520, then feel free to come join us to raid. Anyone can invite ;)

We’re a level 22 guild, 5 bank tabs, and Vent. Plus, active, helpful, and friendly members.

Join us today ;)

Gaming and Fitness/Health page for anyone interested. Join the team and the laughs as well :)

Sometimes not even WoW can cheer me up…

New Guild, same jerk what?
So I joined on Scarlet Crusade last night. I’m in the guild 5 minutes and who comes online? The same asshole DK from . Fucking really dude? Obviously the guild FAILED! I mean, your raid leader left the game, and your 17 yr old, attention seeking GM can’t lead a flex for shit. Alright kid, you’re bad and you really don’t want to try to start shit with me this time around.

Thanks Blizzard for doing nothing. I have a problem with 2 people from BlizzCon, thry decide to harass me and empty the bank and of course you do nothing. Im not even mad about the bank and I didn’t think anything would be done about that shit anyway. What pisses me off is the bullying and harassment that you don’t seem to care about.

thepiesendure:

nissapreternatural:

almost-too-white-to-function:

green-motherfucking-day:

ravennasolo:

cassbones:

carry-on-my-wayward-nun:

bakrua:

obscurer:

 this year in Vancouver they painted rainbow crosswalks for PRIDE, turns out the city loved them so much they are keeping them permanently!
I found out about this and thought it was so cool I had to upload a picture
photo creds: x

correct me if im wrong but is that a straight couple walking on it?? like… u could have gotten an LGBTQ+ couple for the photo………. if im wrong correct me like i said but

Any fucking sexuality can walk on it does it matter who was on the camera at the time?

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THEY’RE EVEN A COUPLE?
They could be two friends, of ANY sexuality, that just happen to be walking across the street together.
Seriously, Tumblr, getting a bit ridiculous now.

Little bit.

Tiny bit.


Can straight people not support gay rights?

I thought it was a good idea to support LGBTQ+ rights no matter what you are sexually…

How do you know that ‘woman’ is a woman? And same with the ‘man’. Honestly, tumblr…

thepiesendure:

nissapreternatural:

almost-too-white-to-function:

green-motherfucking-day:

ravennasolo:

cassbones:

carry-on-my-wayward-nun:

bakrua:

obscurer:

 this year in Vancouver they painted rainbow crosswalks for PRIDE, turns out the city loved them so much they are keeping them permanently!

I found out about this and thought it was so cool I had to upload a picture

photo creds: x

correct me if im wrong but is that a straight couple walking on it?? like… u could have gotten an LGBTQ+ couple for the photo………. if im wrong correct me like i said but

Any fucking sexuality can walk on it does it matter who was on the camera at the time?

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THEY’RE EVEN A COUPLE?

They could be two friends, of ANY sexuality, that just happen to be walking across the street together.

Seriously, Tumblr, getting a bit ridiculous now.

Little bit.

Tiny bit.

Can straight people not support gay rights?

I thought it was a good idea to support LGBTQ+ rights no matter what you are sexually…

How do you know that ‘woman’ is a woman? And same with the ‘man’. Honestly, tumblr…

thepiesendure:

mausspace:

thatsnotwhathipposdo:

This was the outfit I wore to school today. I spent forever doing my hair, made an effort to actually wear makeup, wore jewelry, the whole nine yards, which I seriously never do. I wanted to get away from the normal t-shirt and jeans I usually wear so that I could take cute pictures with the Seniors on their way out of high school for the last time.
If you’ll notice, the front of the skirt is more than halfway down my thigh and I even had shorts on underneath. There’s no way anyone was seeing anything under this skirt.
At my school we have a “knee length” rule for all bottoms. I got through periods 1 through 4 with not even a comment from a teacher or administrator. All I got was compliments from many students, which made me feel awesome about myself.
In lunch, I go to the vending machine to get water. The second I turn around, there’s the Principal right in my face. “Hi there, your skirt is very pretty, but it’s way too short.”
“Well Mr.Crouch, I am pretty tall, and—“
“But that’s not what matters. I’m saying that if the sheer fabric wasn’t there, the part underneath wouldn’t be legal. So you’ve got two options, you can either go to ISS, or change into something appropriate. What do you want to do?”
“Um, well I think I might have something. I’ll change.”
“Okay, and come right back and show me what you’ve changed into.”
I knew I didn’t have anything to change into, because I’d worn this skirt before with no trouble.
I went back to my table to finish my lunch, and shortly after he approached me again.
“I thought you were going to go change?”
“I will, I just wanted to finish my lunch first.”
“Alright. And when you change, go show the front office to see if they approve.”
Now we’re standing at the door waiting to be released from lunch. Bear in mind, this will be 3 times he’s approached me in maybe a 10 minute time span.
“Are you going to change?”
“Yes, I just want to let my 5th period teacher know where I am.”
“What’s your first name again?”
“Emily.”
“And who’s your next teacher?”
“Mrs. Solburg.”
“Which one?”
“Drama.”
“Well I’ll let Mrs. Solburg know you’re going to be a few minutes late to class, alright?”
“Okay…”
So I went to class and let Mrs. Solburg know Mr. Crouch would be coming by soon because of my skirt and that I had no intentions of changing.
He walks in the classroom through the back entrance and says, apparently before scanning the room to see if I’m even in there, “Emily is going to be a few minutes late because she’s changing clothes. Oh, is she in here?”
Duh.
“Make sure you change.”
“Alright.”
He left, and I told my teacher that I didn’t have anything to change into. We looked in her closet and couldn’t find anything that normal people would wear that was both appropriate and matched what I was wearing. I told her to not worry about it, that I’d have my mom sign me out to go home.
When I hung up with my mom, here comes Mr. Crouch again. Mrs. Solburg tells him that I am signing out because I couldn’t find anything to change into.
“Oh, well she told me she had something to change into.”
“Mr. Crouch, I said that I might.”
“No, you said you had something.”
And he walked out.
Let’s count the things that were more wrong than my skirt, shall we?
1.      Him approaching me twice while I was trying to eat in our already short lunch time
2.      Him interrupting my theatre class twice just to tell me to change
3.      The fact he said my skirt wouldn’t be “legal” without the sheer fabric, and also, why would I wear the skirt without the outer fabric?! It’s the whole skirt!
4.      My friend Melissa had been trying to schedule a meeting with him since 2nd period to start up a donation drive for the suffering families in Oklahoma, and he was too busy following me around to help her
5.      So many Seniors were dressed way more inappropriately than me with tank tops and booty shorts
6.      I would have had to miss the Senior Walk even if I didn’t go home because I’d have been in ISS, so I didn’t get to say bye to all of my senior friends
7.      I had to disrupt my mom at work to sign me out
8.      I had to miss my last two classes when I had already been absent the previous day and needed to make up work
9.      He singled me out to the extreme, embarrassed me, and made me cry in front of my class
10.  My friend David wore shorts with a 5 inch inseam a few weeks ago and wasn’t even approached by an administrator. It was just shrugged off as him being a “silly boy”
11.  He didn’t even want to hear what I had to say about being tall (proportions, man. Put my skirt on any short girl and it would be fine. They don’t make cute skirts that are knee length on a 5’11” girl. It just doesn’t happen.), and he completely dismissed me when I said that I told him I *might* have a change of clothes, even though it was the truth
If he put just half as much effort as he did checking up on me every 5 minutes into, maybe, /running a school/, then everyone probably wouldn’t hate it so much.

also pretty fucking gross that he was paying that much attention to your legs
how scandalous, jesus christ


And this is why I think all schools should have uniforms.

thepiesendure:

mausspace:

thatsnotwhathipposdo:

This was the outfit I wore to school today. I spent forever doing my hair, made an effort to actually wear makeup, wore jewelry, the whole nine yards, which I seriously never do. I wanted to get away from the normal t-shirt and jeans I usually wear so that I could take cute pictures with the Seniors on their way out of high school for the last time.

If you’ll notice, the front of the skirt is more than halfway down my thigh and I even had shorts on underneath. There’s no way anyone was seeing anything under this skirt.

At my school we have a “knee length” rule for all bottoms. I got through periods 1 through 4 with not even a comment from a teacher or administrator. All I got was compliments from many students, which made me feel awesome about myself.

In lunch, I go to the vending machine to get water. The second I turn around, there’s the Principal right in my face. “Hi there, your skirt is very pretty, but it’s way too short.”

“Well Mr.Crouch, I am pretty tall, and—“

“But that’s not what matters. I’m saying that if the sheer fabric wasn’t there, the part underneath wouldn’t be legal. So you’ve got two options, you can either go to ISS, or change into something appropriate. What do you want to do?”

“Um, well I think I might have something. I’ll change.”

“Okay, and come right back and show me what you’ve changed into.”

I knew I didn’t have anything to change into, because I’d worn this skirt before with no trouble.

I went back to my table to finish my lunch, and shortly after he approached me again.

“I thought you were going to go change?”

“I will, I just wanted to finish my lunch first.”

“Alright. And when you change, go show the front office to see if they approve.”

Now we’re standing at the door waiting to be released from lunch. Bear in mind, this will be 3 times he’s approached me in maybe a 10 minute time span.

“Are you going to change?”

“Yes, I just want to let my 5th period teacher know where I am.”

“What’s your first name again?”

“Emily.”

“And who’s your next teacher?”

“Mrs. Solburg.”

“Which one?”

“Drama.”

“Well I’ll let Mrs. Solburg know you’re going to be a few minutes late to class, alright?”

“Okay…”

So I went to class and let Mrs. Solburg know Mr. Crouch would be coming by soon because of my skirt and that I had no intentions of changing.

He walks in the classroom through the back entrance and says, apparently before scanning the room to see if I’m even in there, “Emily is going to be a few minutes late because she’s changing clothes. Oh, is she in here?”

Duh.

“Make sure you change.”

“Alright.”

He left, and I told my teacher that I didn’t have anything to change into. We looked in her closet and couldn’t find anything that normal people would wear that was both appropriate and matched what I was wearing. I told her to not worry about it, that I’d have my mom sign me out to go home.

When I hung up with my mom, here comes Mr. Crouch again. Mrs. Solburg tells him that I am signing out because I couldn’t find anything to change into.

“Oh, well she told me she had something to change into.”

“Mr. Crouch, I said that I might.”

“No, you said you had something.”

And he walked out.

Let’s count the things that were more wrong than my skirt, shall we?

1.      Him approaching me twice while I was trying to eat in our already short lunch time

2.      Him interrupting my theatre class twice just to tell me to change

3.      The fact he said my skirt wouldn’t be “legal” without the sheer fabric, and also, why would I wear the skirt without the outer fabric?! It’s the whole skirt!

4.      My friend Melissa had been trying to schedule a meeting with him since 2nd period to start up a donation drive for the suffering families in Oklahoma, and he was too busy following me around to help her

5.      So many Seniors were dressed way more inappropriately than me with tank tops and booty shorts

6.      I would have had to miss the Senior Walk even if I didn’t go home because I’d have been in ISS, so I didn’t get to say bye to all of my senior friends

7.      I had to disrupt my mom at work to sign me out

8.      I had to miss my last two classes when I had already been absent the previous day and needed to make up work

9.      He singled me out to the extreme, embarrassed me, and made me cry in front of my class

10.  My friend David wore shorts with a 5 inch inseam a few weeks ago and wasn’t even approached by an administrator. It was just shrugged off as him being a “silly boy”

11.  He didn’t even want to hear what I had to say about being tall (proportions, man. Put my skirt on any short girl and it would be fine. They don’t make cute skirts that are knee length on a 5’11” girl. It just doesn’t happen.), and he completely dismissed me when I said that I told him I *might* have a change of clothes, even though it was the truth

If he put just half as much effort as he did checking up on me every 5 minutes into, maybe, /running a school/, then everyone probably wouldn’t hate it so much.

also pretty fucking gross that he was paying that much attention to your legs

how scandalous, jesus christ

And this is why I think all schools should have uniforms.

Co-Guild Leaders ?

When one person says “Oh we’re co guild leaders” but that person isn’t the one with the guild leader title, and the guild leader is not in agreement, I think the guild’s gonna have problems… Especially when the person is acting like a loose cannon (doing things behind the guild leaders back and what not). 

Let’s face it, if the guild leader does not agree, or even have much of a voice in their own guild, either they’re a shit guild leader, or the person should stop doing what they THINK is best for the guild. You do NOT promote someone or a couple just because they are a gay couple. Problem happens, they do nothing and then start pulling toons from the guild because of one problem person and the “co guild leader” decided to say “if you don’t agree with what happened, then you can leave.”

Well gee… Way to listen to the not guild leader and the guild leader did handle it appropriately…